she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
