Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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