You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
