Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
