I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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