come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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