did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
