So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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