why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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