We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
