I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
