in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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