I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
