Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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