i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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