I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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