the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Randomize
