I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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