Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
