my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
