is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
