Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
She bit a glass in half.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
