im drinking this country out of the recession.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
