Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
