What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
