I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
