God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
