wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
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