my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
