smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
