I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
