just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
