dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
