I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You ate ashes out of my bong
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
