Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
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