dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
It's Friday. Sex?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
