it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize