Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
