im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
