WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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