Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
