I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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