Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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