you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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