If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
