physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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