I think I died a long time ago.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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