somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
