Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize