Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
