i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
