So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
