I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
