So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
