Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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