She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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