Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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