It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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