Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
