I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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