Please, let me fuck your mom
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize