I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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