why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
