Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
