just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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