well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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