so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
