dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
