Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
