is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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