quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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