I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
