I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
