$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
